Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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