Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
