i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There's always time for handjobs
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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