i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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