ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
