i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
