Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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