i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
