Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
