Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
