if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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