Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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