You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
