What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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