Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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