One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
