He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
