So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
