i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
