I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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