i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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