I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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