Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
