He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
