hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
