who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
