I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
