never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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