Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
