I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
