the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize