She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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