I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
