Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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