Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
