haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
