She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
