so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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