Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
