I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
