i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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