Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
