her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize