Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
