ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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