so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
