it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
