i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
