Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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