I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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