Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize