He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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