Why are handjobs necessary in class?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
