So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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