even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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