i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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