i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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