DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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