If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
