Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
