We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
