I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
