Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
