I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
