Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
