Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
