i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
