New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
